Depression.
The feeling that no one cares. The desire to just feel loved. Silently screaming out for someone to take notice of the fact that you are hurting. Wondering why you constantly feel so incredibly alone...
You are not alone. I am dealing with depression even now as I write this post. That's not something I usually tell people. Only a couple of people who are incredibly close to me know. It is a struggle every single day and in no way is it easy. You can determine that tomorrow will be different, brighter, but then tomorrow comes and you have no desire to improve. You look around and ask yourself, "Doesn't anyone see me hurting? Can't anyone tell that I'm going through something over here? Am I invisible?!" You paint on a smile because you are afraid to voice the truth about what you are going through for fear of what might be said and what might be asked. People don't always understand and end up saying stupid and hurtful things due to their ignorance. This post is to inform. I didn't choose this. I don't know why anyone would choose this. No one does choose this. I want to feel complete inside, to feel happy with my life. I don't want to feel like I have to keep searching when I know what it is that I need. I just want someone to listen, to hold me while I pour my heart out, to NOT tell me that everything is going to be okay, to simply be there. Finding support is hard when you just want to be left alone. At the same time, you slowly come to the realization that you are just letting precious time slip through your hands. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day fades away and becomes a blur. Time becomes a thing of the past. All you know is where you are now. I WANT TO GET OUT out of this pit, I NEED ROOM to breathe. PLEASE HEAR ME CRYING OUT!!! I need to be set free from whatever it is that has crept in and wrapped its fingers around my soul, my heart, my mind, and my emotions. Even pain begins to feel good because at least it means you are feeling something. That is what I yearn for the most, to feel. Every day becomes a ritual of going through the motions and trying to keep the pain inside. But then the pain becomes too much to bear and overflows to a thin red line on your arm, and then another, and another until you finally feel a release. The inability to control your own emotions leads to the extreme control of other areas of your life, to a point that is not healthy. "I don't need to eat that. I can do without. I could stand to lose a little weight, then maybe I'll feel better about myself." I'm so tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of trying, exhausted by the constant effort it takes to keep this false front up. If I let my wall down, will you hurl things at me, things that will hurt? I feel safe in this fortress I have built around me, alone, but safe. Do I dare let you in? Will you try to change my interior? Do I get a say anymore if I open the door? So much uncertainty, so much insecurity, so much unnecessary fear... why can't everything be balanced? Only God knows. I just want my life back. Help me. I need you. Don't stand by and watch me drown.
-According to the Washington University St. Louis School of Medicine's Department of Psychiatry -
Depression is a whole body illness that affects a person's physical health as well as how he or she feels, thinks, and behaves towards others. In addition, a person who suffers from this disorder may have problems eating, sleeping, working, and getting along with his/her friends.
Specifically, clinical depression is a persistent, depressed mood that is often characterized by feelings of sadness or emptiness. People who have depression, or more formally, Major Depressive Disorder, experience at least five of the following symptoms, nearly every day, for a period of at least two weeks:
These episodes are also accompanied by clinically significant distress, or impairment (interference) in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. If impairment is severe, the person might lose the ability to function socially or occupationally.
 | Of the estimated 17.5 million Americans who are affected by some form of depression, 9.2 million have major or clinical depression |
| Two-thirds of people suffering from depression do not seek necessary treatment |
| 80% of all people with clinical depression who have received treatment significantly improve their lives |
| The economic cost of depression is estimated at $30.4 billion a year but the cost in human suffering cannot be estimated |
| Women experience depression about twice as often as men |
| By the year 2020, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that depression will be the number two cause of "lost years of healthy life" worldwide |
| According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) suicide was the ninth leading cause of death in the United States in 1996 |
| Major Depression is 1.5-3.0 times more common among first-degree biological relatives of those with the disorder than among the general population What are some of the indicators of depression?The individual wonders if they will ever be happy again. They notice that they have lost energy and that very few things excite, or even interest them. The worst part is that they do not know why they feel so sad. They just feel like a black cloud is around them. As a result, all they might want to do is sit around and do nothing. In the secret of their heart they sometimes wish they could go to sleep at night and never wake up. Even though people try to encourage them and ask them to do things with them, they typically refuse and just spend more and more time alone. In addition to feeling down much of the time, they lose patience with their friends and parents. They seem to snap over the smallest things, which only leads to more feelings of guilt and sadness. What should a person do if they feel depressed?1. Talk to someone about their feelings. Find a friend or a trusted adult (such as a teacher, counselor, pastor, or parent of a friend) to tell them how they feel. 2. They should be aware that depression causes them to think thoughts that they would not normally think. Often these are negative thoughts about themselves which are not true. It is important for them to focus on what they know to be true, not only on what they feel. 3. Eating healthy, sleeping enough (but not too much), and exercising are important for them during this time. Depression often affects each of these so they will need to work hard to keep these in check. 4. The need to avoid the temptation to be alone most of the time. Their friends and family can be a huge help to them during this time. They cannot expect their family to fully understand the depression, but remain aware of their efforts to help and allow them to show care and concern 5. They need to consider making an appointment with a medical doctor. Since depression is often related to chemical imbalance it can be treated with medication. 6. They need to consider making an appointment with a professional counselor or licensed social worker. These people are trained to help people deal with life issues that may be related to depression. They will also be helpful in giving some coping skills to deal with the depression. 7. They should be aware that thoughts of suicide often come with feelings of depression. If they begin to experience thoughts of suicide talk to someone about the thoughts immediately. (excerpts from http://www.thehopeline.com/wikis/depression/default.aspx) Some links to websites that I am finding to be helpful in overcoming this: Songs that I have been listening to lately: She Cries Out - Kutless http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOAOAqGu29U All Around Me - Flyleaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bl1AXYOseuY Watch Me Bleed - Scary Kids Scaring Kids http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yS7OQ4rSudM Much Like Falling - Flyleaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZgwT0j8fMU Drowning - Scary Kids Scaring Kids http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nalzHc1QLB0 It Ends Tonight - All American Rejects http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFcDhj-E3po Fully Alive - Flyleaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5hwNhzMFgc I'm So Sick - Flyleaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlCwgfPqNGw Courage - Superchick http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW9UHJVMbsY Red Sam - Flyleaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkLZqUagF9c Have We Lost - Flyleaf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06hCYtgomEc Wish You Well - Thousand Foot Krutch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjN_I5iVxrI Not Alone - Red http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ODDtLMiGnY |
